i need to be smarter. i wish i could jump to 10 years from now so i can know what decisions i need to be making today. i have been happy and content for so long and i feel like im crashing. i knew this would happen.schools broken my spirit and i feel extremely confused. i really need to stop being such a stupid girl. i should probably stay away from boys until the end of time. i should actually let myself have feelings for someone or just become a lesbian. (elisa<3). im tired of basing my day around driving 45 minutes to a school full of people that make me uncomfortable. i hate that being generous is a punishment. i cant sort out my head. too much going on. i cant make everyone happy. i cant possibly make myself "okay" with everyone before its too late. i dont like bitching this much but the last 24 hours has been pretty fucked up.